Flocked JP 30
Ryan Watt
(11 reviews)
Once Upon A Time... kingdoms in trouble had to wait for a wandering hero to come along and save the ... Show More
Adventure, Comedy, Cross-Genre, Fantasy, High Fantasy
Fairy Tale, Guild, Magic, birds, curses, Champions

Cyril the Cygnus

Flocked Volume 1: Guild of the Feathers.
Chapter 1 - Cyril the Cygnus
Once upon a time, a King had Twelve Daughters. Each night, after he kissed each one on the forehead with fatherly affection, he had their chambers locked, and a guard posted. And each morning, the chambers would be opened only to find that each princess had hardly slept and had worn holes in her new shoes. After many months of this, the King sent out a summons for help.

     “And so we are clear on the terms of this job?” The King, a man of who had seen more days in a throne than out in a field, but whose eyes were still sharp as a hawk's, peered down at the man kneeling in front of him. “You and yours shall have three nights to resolve the curse afflicting my sweet daughters and go home with favor, or else forfeit your reward and...”

“We are clear, your Majesty.” The man hazarded a guess it was time to raise his gaze. He met the hawk-eyes of the king, who narrowed them further, then nodded. The supplicant rose to his feet.

He was of no great height, but his presence made him as imposing as someone who was. His sandy blond hair, short, made a fashionable statement along with the slightly pointed goatee on his chin. Eyes were of a pale blue, lacking the usual intensity of that color. Most of the man's body hid behind a cloak of a rich red color that bespoke nobility as well as denoted an experience with arms. It was speckled with dried mud near the bottom. Several clasps, fastened near the neck, held the left side firmly in place, but allowed the right side to flap open as the man needed. He did so, revealing a brown and red leather vest and an empty scabbard underneath. With a sweep of the arm out of the cloak, he bowed his head with his arm extended to the side. It was not a unique bow, but far removed from the kingdoms that typically used it.

“I was initially going to submit a Call to the Order of Champions, but they can take a while to respond, so I decided to chance it and ask one of these new Guilds to help me out. My daughters are precious to me, more precious than any of my other possessions. I need this curse stopped as soon as possible."

“We feel the same way, Your Majesty,” he replied. It was true, he and the members of his Guild of the Feathers all had reasons to detest curses. However, he doubted he could find any individual who would say they enjoyed having been subject to one.

“I chose your guild, out of the three, because I like that you yourself are a nobleman, is that not correct, Sir Cyril?” The ornated champion said it was. The King continued. “I like that. While I am certain the other two guilds are capable as well, it feels better knowing I have a fellow noble on the case. Are any others in your guild nobles?”

“One other, sir. Oleg is a prince like myself. Our other two members have both been raised at court.” It was only partially true, but Cyril needed to seal this deal. “I know that for many, choosing to Call on a guild feels uncomfortable. They are used to the Order of Champions. I assure you, as I myself am an ornated Champion, I will ensure the same quality of handling your family's curse. Possibly even better.”

“Yes, true. You would know what it is like to be under a curse, better than anyone, would you not?” The King stroked his beard. “After all, it is true that you are the same Cyril, Prince of Rhine, who was once cursed yourself. Is the tale I have heard about your curse and what it left you true?”

Cyril shifted his weight, tucking his arm back under his cloak. “Without knowing the exact tale you heard, I cannot fully say. I can confirm that I am that Prince and that my family. So you understand why helping those under curses is what I have sworn to do. Yet, I assure you that I am more than just what you may have heard. My story does not end there.”

“Excellent. I think that settles it. As long as that other matter is acceptable to you and yours, then we are agreed. I tire of wishing luck to Agents of the Order of Champions, Sir Cyril. But I tire more of worrying over the health and safety of my children. They are innocent and I intend to keep them way, at any cost. I hope you and your team are up for this task and shan’t disappoint me.”

“Nor shall we, Your Majesty,” Cyril declared, and to himself thought, we can't afford to.

     The evening found Cyril sitting forward in an elegant chair that was designed more for opulence than comfort, in a foyer outside the East Wing apartments that belonged to the King's twelve daughters. For months now, each night the princesses, despite being locked into their rooms with none entering nor exiting all night and no sounds emanating from the chambers, somehow spend the whole night active. Yet they recall nothing in the morning about what had happened. No one knew how or why. It was a job, and it was the Guild's nature to take the jobs, complete them, and return home to await the next job. This job just had higher stakes.

A grandfather clock opposite him chimed nine. Almost at once a procession began to file in. Two guards in uniforms that were more ostentatious than functional led the line. Behind them were the twelve princesses, in a kaleidoscope of colors in their dresses – full of bustles and pleats and a couple diaphanous trains. They appeared to get older as the line progressed, and their faces bore various shades of nervous anticipation. Behind the eldest daughter, dark hair done up in a striking but garish style, came the King and two further guards.

The lead two guards entered the girls' apartment and the rest paused outside. The guards exited and nodded to their King. He in turn kissed each daughter on the forehead before they entered their chambers. Once all were inside, the King closed the doors personally and locked them. The key he handed to Cyril with a look of deadly severity. He and the guards then strode away, leaving Cyril to the quiet of the atrium.

Half an hour later the girl's nurse came up to him.

“Sir, I have brought you some water in case you might get thirsty during your vigil.” She said, casting a concerned eye at the door.

Cyril snaked his right arm out from under the cloak, took the glass, and thanked her. “It can't be easy for you to be away from them.” He smiled warmly to her. It was a look he genuinely felt, but was unsure of how to display on his face.

“No, sir, it isn't. I hadn't spent a night apart from them since young Viola was born. Aye, if only I had figured out what had happened to them when all this began. I failed the King, and he isn't quick to forgive.”

“Do you have any thoughts as to what is happening to them? Why every night they exhaust themselves, and ruin their shoes without making a sound and with no recollection?”

She pulled her head back at the statement. He figured no one had ever asked her for her opinion before, based on how the King seemed to treat people around him.

“I, I really do not. That is why I was forced to... I'm sorry sir. Please, do what you can.” Bowing her head with a sigh, she made towards the servants staircase behind a nearby hidden door.

Cyril raised the glass to his lips, but a new sound pulled his mind away. In a tree just outside the open window at the end of the foyer, a tiny bird's newly arrived weight bent a branch underneath her. Cyril walked up to the window and extended his hand. The bird, a pitta whose feathers glistened in seven colors in the candle light, happily flew to it and perched on his palm.

“Anything?” He asked. Inwardly, he braced himself for her response.

Excusing this one, no windows open on the third floor, Cyril.

The words were truly just chirps and tweets, but old magic within Cyril translated them. The curses the two of them shared, had one benefit, the power to understand the speech of birds, although for Cyril now it only allowed him to understand cursed birds.

“Signs of anyone else on the floor?”


“Any... magic?”

The bird cocked her head to the side. Cyril sighed. He forgot sometimes that, despite her nature, Taree had the least magical sense of any of their Guild.

“Continue to keep watch outside for me, for as long as you are able. Then go and check in with Torias and Oleg. I want everyone on the same page in case I don't solve this tonight and one of them tries tomorrow night.” Cyril had to appreciate any help he could get from Taree, normally a strictly diurnal creature. Taree nodded and flew back out the window; Cyril resumed his chair and was alone with his thoughts.

Waiting like this was usually the worst. He had spent too much of his life, waiting for things to happen. A year in hiding from his step-mother. Three years of watching his sister from a distance, hoping she could save him. Two years of waiting for someone to bring him good news about his condition before giving up. He left home some seven years ago, deciding that what he needed was to stop waiting and take action. Looking up at the clock, he wondered when something would finally happen.

     At precisely 10:30, it finally did. A large amount of chattering sounds, the kind Cyril exclusively associated with a large group of women talking at once, came from inside the front room just beyond the locked door. And then a creak and a thud, of something large hitting the floor.

The voices abated just before he had the key pulled out and the door opened. What he found inside was an empty room with an open trapdoor in the middle. He ran to it and peered inside. A stone stairwell descended deeply, a real architectural miracle since directly below this room was the grand ballroom.

As narrow as it was, he would need more mobility. With the confidence that no one was around to see, Cyril undid the clasp of the cloak and quickly unfurled it around his body clockwise, dropping it at his feet. This act revealed his condition, the last remaining shard from his broken curse. From his left shoulder hung loosely a large white swan wing instead of an arm. Thusly unencumbered, he descended the stairs. He touched the joint of shoulder and wing with his eyes closed and a hum to himself before descending.

The stone steps wound down for half a kilometer, and distantly down the echoing flight, he could hear the princesses's voices again. The bottom of the stairs entered into an enormous cavern chamber, larger than Cyril had thought possible. It seemed to stretch for miles. And in the first part of it, where the stairs emerged, a petrified forest.

“Strange curse. Are they forced to walk all night through this forest? Is that what wears their shoes?” He smiled to himself. This, this running through the unknown, was what he loved most about the job. Calls to Agents of the Order almost always had a lengthy list of unknowns that tickled the adventurer in his heart. Even if his main reason to take jobs was to help people, he couldn't deny that the mysteries were part of why he did this.

No less than a hundred meters into the forest, the path widened out as a pair of empty armors stood guard. Cyril slowed down, he had seen this kind of enchantment before. They would not let anyone pass who did not meet criteria set by their master.

“Whosoever approaches: Name thyself.” Sensing his approach, the Sentinels had turned towards him. They had also shifted their arms in their smooth, yet non-organic, way to rest on the hilts of their swords. If he failed to answer, or to answer truthfully they would dispatch him.

“I am Cyril. Agent of the Order of Champions and the Guild of the Feathers.” He gripped his winged shoulder with his good hand and used the one magic within him. With a grunt of discomfort, the wing detached from his body. Feathers began to glow, and flurry off into the air before disappearing, while others collapsed and condensed into a beautiful sword. Ghastly green fires flickered in the Sentinel's eye sockets as they appraised him.

“Thou who bear the mark of Caim are permitted to pass.” With that said, they turned back to their original position.

“Mark of Caim?” Cyril repeated to himself, confused. Realizing he had already wasted enough time, he took off running, sword still in hand.

Moving as quickly as he could, Cyril tried to catch up with the Princesses. By the time he caught sight of them, they had emerged from the forest onto a lake shore. A petrified wood dock jutted into the water where twelve boats were moored. Each had a man with regal, yet outdated, garb and a masquerade mask waiting. The men lifted one princess each into their boat just as Cyril broke free of the tree line. By the time he began walking up the dock, they had shoved off and were well on their way across the lake, to the distant island with a palace of bronze.

With no other boats, and only one arm, Cyril had no chance of following them.

“Shan’t disappoint, I said...”
Log in to add a comment or review for this chapter Chapter updated on: 9/12/2015 5:24:44 PM
  • Yashita Ghazi commented on :
    5/31/2017 3:21:25 PM
    i am miss yashita ghazi i have a proposal for you via at (yashitaghazi11@gmail.com)
  • Chelsea Harper commented on :
    4/15/2017 2:48:41 PM
    Just picked up the first chapter....really well written and interesting story idea. A couple thoughts if you are ever interested in revising for publication: 1. You said ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks for checking out the story, Chelsea. Great points you make. For the first one, makes you wonder if I intentionally said the guards dont hear anything when Cyril does. And for the second, what made you think it was a Swan wing before you saw it?
      4/16/2017 3:32:06 AM
    • Chelsea Harper Hey Ryan. The swan wing stuck out to me for a couple reasons. The first is that our main character is "Cyril the Cygnus" from the "Guild of the Feathers"; that combination immediately told me he had a close connection to birds, and when it was revealed he had been cursed, I immediately thought of the fairy tale of princes turned into swans. I would have accepted a different bird's wing as a variation on the fairy tale, but I knew he was hiding a bird wing in place of an arm. More importantly, to me, that fact being revealed in the first chapter made the mystery unimportant to the entire tale. As a thought, if the discrepancy between what the guards hear and Cyril hears is intentional, I might point it out a little, subtly of course. It felt like an accident to me, but if you mention that, say, the king fired one set of guards for not hearing anything only to have the next set hear nothing also. Then when Cyril hears the commotion maybe a nearby guard looks at him questioningly when he reacts? That would add some mystery to Cyril's story, which is what it feels like you're going for. Just thoughts, though. :)
      4/16/2017 3:40:33 PM
    • Ryan Watt Ah yes, the Guild name and his epithet. I may edit the epithet later, as it doesnt come up too much regarding him. Maybe not. Part of the thing about Flocked, being based on fairy tales, is that not every reveal will work with every reader depending on what fairy tales they have read. Some people are shocked by the reveal, others aren't. -- As for the guards. You are the first person to notice (or comment at least) on that detail in three years, so maybe you're just a more observant reader. I will still add it to my 'Some Day Revisions' notes. Thanks for that.
      4/16/2017 6:32:33 PM
  • Kast L. Hicali commented on :
    11/8/2016 3:58:41 PM
    Wow, I'm gonna have a lot to catch up on eventually. Though I haven't read the original (having been tipped off through the comments) story rewrites through new pov's and ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks for checking out Flocked, Kast. Lots to catch up on, yes, but the arcs are short (and build on each other over time) so hopefully you get a little sense of completion from time to time. This series is a fun way for me to explore perspective and adding depth to lesser known fairy tales, so glad the idea is catching for you!
      11/8/2016 8:02:28 PM
  • Becky M commented on :
    10/6/2016 4:03:47 AM
    Hi! So, I'm just gonna be honest and tell you that I clicked on this by accident. But then I was I like, okay why not? I love fairy tale rewrites. I've never heard of the 12 princesses one.
    • Ryan Watt Well hey, I don't mind! I'm just glad it caught your attention. -- It's interesting to see who has or hasn't heard any of the individual fairy tales I adapt for this series.
      10/6/2016 3:07:19 PM
  • Andrew Friar commented on :
    8/18/2016 1:28:06 PM
    Interesting idea, I am sure I've read a child's version of the 12 princess, I will look in the morning. As a budding writer myself I love what you are doing here. I shall keep reading.
    • Ryan Watt Hi Andrew, thanks for checking out Flocked! You very well may have read the 12 Princesses, or some variation. This first arc (Flocked is very short arc based) is based off of a german version. I hope you continue to check it out and enjoy! And welcome to the site.
      8/18/2016 2:10:09 PM
  • Isabella commented on :
    7/15/2016 1:55:52 PM
    In Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses, a king had 12 daughters who were princesses. When greeting every morning, he would have them stand in a line by age, oldest ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Hi Isabella, Flocked is a series that adapts fairy tales, so you've just recognized what original Grimm fairy tale this first couple chapters is based off of. Barbie must have been using the same fairy tale in that story you mention. The point of Flocked is to look at fairy tales and see them in different ways, show that reality isn't always as straight forward, and show what happens to people after the end of their stories. Thank you for checking it out!
      7/15/2016 2:11:35 PM
  • Isabella commented on :
    7/15/2016 2:00:42 PM
    Oh, I get it now! You're basing these off fairy tales. Okay, now it makes sense.
  • Deandre commented on :
    7/5/2016 2:27:50 PM
    I enjoyed this chapter. I read it the other day, but hadn't had a chance to log in and comment. I really enjoy the way your writing flows from paragraph to paragraph. It ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thank you Deandre for the comment, and for checking out my story! I took a lot of time playing around with tone and trying to make this first chapter interesting, so I hope it paid off for you, and that you continue to check it out. Also, welcome to JukePop!
      7/5/2016 3:19:07 PM
    • Deandre Thanks! If you're into zombies, aliens, and cross genre check out my first chapter and let me know what you think! I'd love any feedback!
      7/5/2016 8:05:30 PM
  • anna brown commented on :
    3/31/2016 12:30:21 AM
    Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), ... Show More
  • Adam Schultz commented on :
    3/13/2016 6:37:47 AM
    The last line description had me in stitched. I'm late to the party but I'm good for the long haul!
    • Ryan Watt Glad it amused you! Take your time with this, Flocked isnt going anywhere. Thanks for checking it out.
      3/13/2016 1:18:33 PM
  • Kakuzan commented on :
    2/22/2016 6:42:33 PM
    Just started, and I like it so far!
    • Ryan Watt Thank you for checking out! Hope you continue to read and enjoy.
      2/22/2016 7:05:39 PM
  • Ryan Erickson commented on :
    2/15/2016 8:03:20 PM
    It too me way to long to start reading this. This fist chapter alone opens up SO many possibilities. Reading on! Do note that I'll be using you army excuse if I fall behind in my writing ;)
    • Ryan Watt Hah! Happy to provide an excuse. Hope you like the story too. Flocked is a fun experiment at using lots of little stories as mini-arcs to explore characters. I look forward to your reactions.
      2/15/2016 8:17:30 PM
  • Alexis Arinze commented on :
    1/17/2016 2:25:31 PM
    Good book so far. I absolutely love the cover! Simple yet very dramatic.
    • Ryan Watt Thanks, Alexis. The cover is the simple as that's something my minimal photoshop skills can handle. Someday I might revamp it. Thanks for checking out the first chapter and hope you can continue.
      1/17/2016 3:12:15 PM
  • Kit Karlsson commented on :
    12/29/2015 7:22:45 PM
    Just started reading and love it so far! Great beginning, it really gets people's attention.
    • Ryan Watt Thanks, Kitt! Hope you continue to like it. I'm quite proud of it.
      12/29/2015 7:37:58 PM
    • Kit Karlsson You should be! :)
      12/30/2015 10:34:44 PM
  • Angi Shearstone commented on :
    10/27/2015 2:02:52 AM
    What fun! Can't believe I've only just discovered this. Very nicely done.
    • Ryan Watt I'm glad you did! I hope you continue to check it out, and my other stories too.
      10/27/2015 2:19:53 AM
  • Wayne Purdy commented on :
    10/14/2015 12:08:43 AM
    Well I'm late to the party but I plan on sticking around until you shut off the lights. What a fun read! I'm definitely going to enjoy this.
    • Ryan Watt Awesome! Welcome to the world of Flocked. I don't plan on ending it for a while. I'm in the early phase of Vol 2 right now. Hope you continue to like it.
      10/14/2015 12:44:21 AM
  • Nic Eaton commented on :
    9/23/2015 5:13:27 PM
    This was fun! The concept is both familiar and unique. Given the title and cover I thought, perhaps, he would ride a giant bird or turn into one. Or that he was a ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thank you for checking it out, Nic! Flocked is meant to be a fun experiment in writing for me, and a chance to adapt and explore lesser known fairy tales with short arcs. Hope you enjoy it.
      9/23/2015 5:38:46 PM
  • Aden Ng commented on :
    9/22/2015 6:03:49 AM
    You know it'll be good when the comments section is longer than the chapter. But I'm liking this. I'm liking the winged sword.
    • Ryan Watt So glad you're finally getting a chance to check the story out! Can't wait to see what you think.
      9/22/2015 7:20:22 AM
  • Tandy Gutierrez commented on :
    7/17/2015 10:49:25 PM
    This is great. You've improved upon one of my favorite fairytales. The concept of the cursed understanding the cursed is novel. I may need a prequel for Cyril. Will we ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Glad I improved upon it! Flocked sends the Guilds through lots of different fairy tale jobs, a new one each short arc. It's fun to see what I can add or change about these original tales (this first job could be its own novel it is so complex!). I've heard of the Children of Lir, know only a little about it. And while Cyril's backstory will come into play later, I don't have any current plans for the Lir family.
      7/17/2015 11:04:45 PM
    • Tandy Gutierrez Ah, I see. Well, keep them in your back pocket. They've been cursed a really long time. Might come in handy. I'll read on. Thecursed are always so interesting.
      7/17/2015 11:34:33 PM
    • Ryan Watt Plenty of cursed people in Flocked. Just about all of the main characters are or were cursed at some point.
      7/17/2015 11:42:53 PM
  • Jukeie commented on :
    6/28/2015 3:27:39 PM
    Hooked me immediately. Glad i'm late to the party for this one. 55 more chapters to read!
    • Ryan Watt Hi Adeem! Thanks so much for checking it out. I hope you continue to read and enjoy. It is a fun ride.
      6/29/2015 3:53:02 AM
  • Richard Allen commented on :
    6/20/2015 5:50:58 AM
    I enjoyed this very much!
    • Ryan Watt That's awesome! Glad to hear it, Richard. Hope you're able to check out more (and the spinoff novella posted on here too).
      6/20/2015 6:03:02 AM
  • Amanda Clemmons commented on :
    6/15/2015 12:42:58 AM
    Sounds good I love a good fairy tale.
    • Ryan Watt Thanks, Amanda! I hope you check out more of it.
      6/19/2015 8:43:51 PM
  • Ada Redmond commented on :
    6/19/2015 9:53:14 AM
    What a wonderful opening. The world you've built is very rich and colourful, full of interesting characters and a few mysteries to solve already. Very impressive for just ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Cyril is a fairly complex guy. He tends to come off really stiff and formal (Ostentatious is a good word), but deep down is a really good guy who surprises people. Of course, he was trying to be a little ostentatious with this particular king, to get the job. - Thanks for reading, and I hope the task of catching up doesn't feel daunting, but fun!
      6/19/2015 12:49:18 PM
  • Eliza Knightly commented on :
    6/18/2015 12:33:52 AM
    What a fun, mysterious start. Nice job re-creating an old fairytale.
    • View 6 more comment(s)
    • N.C. Gossner So happy I succeeded in giving you that moment of worry, Ryan. Since I am sure you will give me lots of moments of worry in the remaining chapters Flocked. ;) Haha. and very true, M. who doesnt? ;)
      6/18/2015 4:14:49 PM
    • Ryan Watt I don't know what you're referring to, N.C. (cough,cough, 57, cough). - But I do hope we aren't scaring off Eliza!
      6/18/2015 4:19:13 PM
    • N.C. Gossner You are terribly cruel. :( hahaha you are right, don't want to scare her off... Eliza, it is an amazing read clear through, I love it all even if Ryan is threatening to inflict pain in Chapter 57...haha. Seriously though, its awesome.... There we go. XD
      6/18/2015 4:42:15 PM
    • Eliza Knightly I ain't scared of nuffin'!
      6/18/2015 9:49:22 PM
    • Ryan Watt Prove it.... by reading the not that scary Flocked.... wait, that threat doesnt really work.
      6/18/2015 9:55:07 PM
  • Kelly Vo commented on :
    6/12/2015 11:19:50 PM
    Very interesting. Cyril's curse is definitely nothing I've ever read before. It truly is a cruse too, to only have one arm. A great start. I look forward to reading the rest of your chapters.
    • Ryan Watt Thanks Kelly! Every character in Flocked comes from a real world fairy tale. The idea came to me cause there are just so many bird curses. Each of the guild's story is a little different in what they're left with. Thanks for checking it out! I look forward to hearing your continued thoughts.
      6/12/2015 11:31:39 PM
  • Nathan Daeodain commented on :
    6/10/2015 4:52:07 PM
    Nice writing. Great flow and easy to follow. You've definitely captured the feel of a fairy tale. I think my only critiques for this first chapter are: 1, you seem to ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Ack, more miles in there? It was a late adjustment to go from standard to metric in this world, and looks like I missed some. Thanks. As for the redundant set up, are you referring to the King's speech as well as the italics opening? The italics is a bit of a running thing in Flocked to signify the start of a new job. They're usually not this redundant, I just wanted it to feel like someone was going from the light language of the fairy tale into the deeper more complex world of Flocked.
      6/10/2015 5:25:06 PM
    • Nathan Daeodain Yup, that was exactly what I was talking about, and it isn't terribly distracting, but it reminded of one of the readers in my old writing group. She HATED any kind of redundancy, as if the author was talking down to her. But this sounds more like artistic choice and a vibe your aiming for. Just thought I'd mention it. :)
      6/10/2015 5:37:23 PM
    • Ryan Watt I totally appreciate it. Flocked is not a finished piece but a large scale experimentation, so always good to know what gives people pause.
      6/10/2015 5:45:34 PM
  • David Khalaf commented on :
    6/9/2015 8:05:39 PM
    Love the concept of a flawed protagonist trying to solve his own personal crisis while working on others. Good action right out of the gate. Looking forward to meeting the rest of this guild.
    • Ryan Watt David, thanks for checking out Flocked. I am glad Cyril strikes you well. This first short arc (Flocked is built up of short arcs building into larger ones) is meant to give a lot of quick tastes of people so I can build off of them slowly. I look forward to seeing what you think of everyone else.
      6/9/2015 9:50:54 PM
  • Laura Tatum commented on :
    5/13/2015 8:21:07 PM
    I'm new to Juke Pop, and I foind your story through Sheryl Rae (author of Lucky) 's bookshelf. I am hooked. My favorite paragraph is the one that begins : "As narrow as ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt First: Welcome to JukePop! Second: I am glad you also found Sheryl Rae's awesome story. Third: Thanks for checking out Flocked. It's a fun ride. I too really love Cyril's reveal as it tells you so much about him. Hope you continue to enjoy it!
      5/13/2015 8:32:07 PM
    • N.C. Gossner Welcome to Jukepop Laura! Hope you enjoy it here! Flocked is a GREAT read, you will love it! I am currently caught up on it and have LOOOVED every chapter.Hope you enjoy Jukepop, there's an awesome crowd here! :D
      5/13/2015 9:44:25 PM
  • Laura Tatum commented on :
    5/13/2015 8:21:35 PM
    *sorry about the typos in my comment! :)
    • Ryan Watt And I apologize in advance for the typos in my story! ;)
      5/13/2015 8:29:46 PM
  • Rebecca Elise commented on :
    5/13/2015 7:59:57 PM
    I started to read this on my lunch break at work---needless to say...I now want to go home immediately so I can finish reading!!! I love this concept, and I especially ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt I love to hear that people are excited to read that, but I feel just awful that it inadvertently is torturing you with not being able to continue. Should I write your boss a note to excuse you from the rest of the day? Will you write me one so I can go home early and write more?
      5/13/2015 8:04:55 PM
  • Charlotte Donnelly commented on :
    5/9/2015 7:20:01 PM
    Oh, cool! Cyril is such an interesting character; even with the mention of his curse, I wasn't expecting that! There are definitely enough questions raised in this first ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Seems like this first arc is doing exactly what it needed to do for you: Hook you. Cyril is definitely a serious character, with lots he doesn't like discussing. It's not quite hiding, but not something he likes to deal with. I really hope you do enjoy this! Thanks for checking it out,
      5/9/2015 8:36:19 PM
  • Kimberly McKenzie commented on :
    4/12/2015 9:33:12 PM
    Ryan this is what I call a quintessential "new" fairy tale in the style of many of the classics. I will check back for more. Look up "The Dream of Keriye" if you would ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Hi Kimberly. Thank you for starting Flocked. It is definitely me playing around with classic fairy tales and trying to flesh them out more. I hope you continue to enjoy it. I will add yours to my long list of things to try out.
      4/12/2015 9:34:28 PM
  • A S commented on :
    4/12/2015 4:12:31 AM
    Ooh, this could be interesting. My mind is racing back to every bit of British Isles folklore I've read or heard trying to guess at the curse. This has a lovely ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Hello Allison, thank you very much for checking out Flocked. I think it's a fun ride (but I am biased). Don't just think British Isles. So far very little if anything is British Isles based. German, Italian, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, and a few others, but not yet British. Hope you continue to enjoy it! I update on Sundays.
      4/12/2015 6:12:49 AM
    • A S Ooh, even better! Then I'll really be surprised at what happens next!
      4/12/2015 3:12:51 PM
  • A Morgenstern commented on :
    3/25/2015 10:08:45 AM
    Oh my gosh I love this - the curses, the guilds - it sort of classic fantasy but there's a great twist to it. I'm glad I got recommended here! I wish I had more time to binge read!
    • Ryan Watt Thank you for checking it out. Don't worry about not having time to binge read, I know how that it. Luckily, the story changes a lot, so you can read in small doses, feel like you got a whole story, and not spend too much time on it.
      3/25/2015 1:07:21 PM
  • Andre Clemons commented on :
    3/18/2015 9:01:14 PM
    I've been catching up with a lot of serials that I've had in my bookshelf for a while, and now I feel bad for not having caught up with this story earlier!! From the ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Andre, thanks for giving it a read! I hope it really catches you. People do keep saying C.S. Lewis lately and I have honestly never thought of that, but I totally see it. I find I'm really just pulling from the world of fantasy/fairy tale/magic and trying to make things tie together and work more coherently. Hope it works for you.
      3/18/2015 9:07:43 PM
  • Veronica Stork commented on :
    3/17/2015 6:50:04 PM
    Very cool! I want a staircase that descends from my room into another world. Heh. This has some echoes of some of the best fantasy from my childhood (Narnia, Neverending ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Veronica, thanks for checking out Flocked. Glad you're liking some of the magic and fairy tale elements. The story changes a lot. Every five to ten chapters sees the birds take on a new job with a new fairy tale core. Can't wait to hear what you think!
      3/17/2015 8:25:02 PM
    • Veronica Stork I just want to say -- OHHHHH, DER. lol. I thought 12 sounded like a familiar number of princesses. I get it now. Cool concept!
      3/18/2015 12:43:56 PM
    • Ryan Watt Hah hah, no worries. The goal is to pick fairy tales that not as many people know so it's less "let's see how he modifies this one" and more "lets see what this story is". Glad you like the concept.
      3/18/2015 3:13:56 PM
  • M. Calventas commented on :
    3/18/2015 3:27:35 AM
    I like what I see so far of the character Cyril and the magic in the world. Also, I was huge Sevenwaters fan, so that reveal about Cyril made me smile. Does the whole ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks for checking it out, M! Not everyone in the guild can turn into a bird. Cyril, for example, cannot. He simply has the wing. You'll slowly meet the others over the next couple chapters of this introductory arc. Hope you continue to get a smile from it.
      3/18/2015 3:38:36 AM
  • Kathy Joy commented on :
    3/8/2015 3:01:01 PM
    I love the concept – I can say I’m certainly hooked. Just a few niggles as we go along, mostly grammatical. The line: “Without knowing the exact tale you heard, I cannot ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks for checking it out, Kathy. I definitely meant "That is my family". No missing words, but I will make a note to consider revising that line in a future rewrite since it is catching you and confusing. As for speaking to birds, it is more speaking to certain birds in Cyril's case. Hope you continue to check it out (and more importantly enjoy it!)
      3/8/2015 3:30:34 PM
    • Kathy Joy Oh I'm definitely enjoying it! I apologise if these are small petty things I'm in hardcore edit mode from my own work and as I'm getting close to the end of this years studies, I've been having to do tonnes of essays, so I'm just super sensitive to these things at the moment! Even with that, I often miss these things that I write because I've gone through so many drafts I just become oblivious, however reading new work and it jumps out! I can't believe it's taken me this long to check it out!
      3/8/2015 3:42:56 PM
    • Ryan Watt Please don't feel the need to apologize. It is not people pointing out errors that I don't like, it's that they had to find them in the first place. I appreciate you wanting to help strengthen the work. I recently re-did a lot of the first few chapters and you're really the first commenter to read the revisions. What you found actually come from the revisions.
      3/8/2015 4:04:19 PM
    • Kathy Joy I'm the same, I don't mind positive or negative feedback, as long as it's constructive, which in my experience on JP, I haven't seen anything except constructive criticism. I'm glad I joined this little community. I just didn't want you to think I didn't like your work - I really do.
      3/8/2015 4:11:14 PM
  • J.A. Waters commented on :
    1/31/2015 11:27:18 PM
    What a superb mix of fantasy, humor, and the classical fairy-tales that resound in the mind. Lovely work. I've been meaning to read this for far too long, I sorely missed ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Wow, I can't believe no one caught (or at least pointed them out) those before. Thanks. And glad you like the blend. I tend to write more serious, but for this site I wanted to play around and write something fun.
      1/31/2015 11:29:46 PM
  • Matthew Cole-Wilkin commented on :
    1/23/2015 2:13:11 AM
    Whatever is going on! All magic and intrigue, grippng! The cuteness of the fairytale style mixes beautifully with the more sinister - a shocking ailment and talk of ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt I never thought I'd be so pleased to have someone use 'pickle-tickling' to describe something I wrote.
      1/23/2015 2:17:32 AM
  • J.S. Tatham commented on :
    1/22/2015 8:21:36 PM
    Incredible descriptions and language! I love the way you set the scene and make everything so clear. Great first chapter, and I'll definitely check out more!
    • Ryan Watt J.S. So very glad you enjoyed it! The first job (the first few chapters) are all about introing the main cast and setting a mood for the world. Hope it continues to hook you!
      1/22/2015 9:04:54 PM
  • Jake Young commented on :
    1/20/2015 5:08:02 PM
    Super interesting first chapter! That was a ton of fun exploring the cavern and seeing the mysterious events unfold at the lake. There's definitely an eerie soundtrack to ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Glad to hear you are hooked. Not a bad suggestion either, I will make a note of that. I would like to give the first five chapters or so another go through soon now that I've found my groove with the story and maybe expand on them more (the first few were kept tight in terms of length and now I am more verbose with chapters).
      1/20/2015 6:10:48 PM
    • Jake Young I really like the short opening chapter. Tons of clever exposition without being obnoxiously long. It really makes for an easy story to get into.
      1/20/2015 6:16:16 PM
    • Ryan Watt Oh I wouldn't lengthen up much. But the most common feedback I get is people wanting to get more into the characters heads early on. There is a ton of that later, so if I can keep folks around by adding in a couple extra sentences (appropriately), I might want to do that.
      1/20/2015 6:31:05 PM
  • Jeanne Mercer commented on :
    11/6/2014 2:51:49 PM
    Twelve daughters! D: That swan wing freaked me out! I didn't see it coming ... I think I'll like Cyril, but his internal monologue about waiting -- I think that would ... Show More
    • View 4 more comment(s)
    • Ryan Watt He definitely is the former. He thinks of it as a burden, as something to hide, and feel pessimistic about. The sword-aspect, when eventually explained, is a little of the latter: His attempt to make it better. The sword-power is not part of the original spell.
      11/6/2014 7:09:44 PM
    • Ryan Watt Sorry to hear fantasy/high-fantasy isn't your forte. I know it isn't for everyone (it often isnt for me). Thanks at least for trying.
      11/6/2014 7:10:14 PM
    • Jake Young I tend to agree a bit with J. Mercer here (not about disliking fantasy - clearly I'm all about getting into a good fictional setting). I think my question is how much more of an impact the reveal would have if you didn't immediately associate the wing with its status as "His condition". I can only imagine wondering what afflicts him only to later find out he's sadly burdened by what some would consider a boon.
      1/20/2015 5:03:46 PM
    • Ryan Watt I definitely think he expresses his personal belief that it is a burden. There really isn't much good about being stuck with an unusable wing instead of an arm. So he definitely has a negative view of it. As opposed to if it was functional and a blessing on him, the reveal would have been written that way, I think.
      1/20/2015 6:08:06 PM
    • Jake Young Not disagreeing with you there! I think the only reason it struck me as somewhat odd is that it felt like a reveal even though he was alone at the time (he was alone, right?) But yeah, I get you. Not all of us want a swan wing chillin under our clothes.
      1/20/2015 6:14:51 PM
  • Melissa D Neale commented on :
    1/15/2015 11:13:53 PM
    Very unique! Definitely was not expecting the arm of a swan! Love the fairy tale like beginning, that's something that always draws me in. I am a tiny bit confused as to ... Show More
    • View 2 more comment(s)
    • Ryan Watt So far every character (except for extremely minor characters like a mail deliverer and random bar patrons) are taken from real fairy tales. Just turned into complex characters.
      1/20/2015 1:04:44 AM
    • Ryan Watt However, what I try and do is take what the story is about, what the meaning is, and explore it more. The fabric of tying them all together with Guilds and the Order of Champions, and so forth is all mine.
      1/20/2015 1:05:51 AM
    • N.C. Gossner I have been meaning to comment on this chapter again Ryan. I LOVED it, the very first of it pulled me in, but when I actually got the time to sit down and read the whole chapter, I was totally in love with the story. the swan wing/arm took me by surprise too (in a good way)... I keep trying to get the time to sit down and read more chapters because you definitely have captured my interest and attention. the problem is just getting the time in the midst of writing, and life. ;) I love your writing style, and well, everything about this. :D
      1/20/2015 1:12:52 AM
    • Melissa D Neale Very creative! Kudos!
      1/20/2015 1:34:47 AM
    • Ryan Watt Thank you, N.C. I hope you, and Melissa, will be able to keep reading it, and enjoying it.
      1/20/2015 2:18:03 AM
  • N.C. Gossner commented on :
    1/3/2015 9:53:04 PM
    I am really enjoying this, cant wait to read more.
    • Ryan Watt Thank you, Nadia! I think it only gets better and better. I hope you continue to enjoy it.
      1/3/2015 9:55:45 PM
  • Conni Byron commented on :
    12/25/2014 11:42:52 AM
    Merry Christmas. =) I like the since of mystery surrounding the girls and Cyril. I love the idea of Taree! Will be reading more.
    • Ryan Watt Waking up to a new reader on Christmas morning is a great gift. Thank you, Conni!
      12/25/2014 3:10:15 PM
    • Conni Byron I was in the mood for giving =) I'm giving away a free eBook too!
      12/25/2014 7:21:57 PM
  • Chelsea Clemmons Moye commented on :
    12/9/2014 3:51:00 PM
    I love your powers of description, Ryan. I'd like to get a copy of Flocked in print someday.
    • Chelsea Clemmons Moye And if you end up needing an editor, let me know. I've got a degree in English and nowhere to exercise those skills. LOL.
      12/9/2014 3:52:55 PM
    • Ryan Watt Thank you for the offer Chelsea! I may take you up on that. I know I need one. Flocked is a very raw piece, as opposed to other writing of mine. It's pretty much written for the site and it's a lot about experimentation while trying to come up with a fun story. If you ever see things you think I can improve on, feel free to pop me a note here or on twitter or wherever.
      12/9/2014 4:06:37 PM
  • Robyn Fogg commented on :
    12/7/2014 7:34:48 PM
    Brilliant. Really enjoyed this chapter. Will read the rest...Good Job Ryan!
    • Ryan Watt Thank you, Robyn! It's a fun story that shifts a lot with each job, so I hope you continue to enjoy the ride.
      12/7/2014 8:53:45 PM
  • D # commented on :
    12/3/2014 7:42:20 PM
    I like it! It's already a good fairy tale, and you don't see a lot of new takes on this one. I like the way the prologue sets it up quickly, and then it goes right into ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks for checking it out, David. Since fairy tales themselves are short, the series is arc based, which is why it jumps right in. I might add in a prologue some day to better set this up, but haven't figured out the right way.
      12/3/2014 8:02:19 PM
  • Amanda Cus commented on :
    10/30/2014 7:23:18 PM
    I love this idea you've created. I am definitely adding it to my bookshelf! It somewhat reminds me of the Elder Scrolls :)
    • Ryan Watt Thank you, Amanda! Having not played the Elder Scrolls I will take your comment as a compliment! hah hah. And I feel more like I am stitching this world together from the whole history of worlds. So glad you like it.
      10/30/2014 8:02:15 PM
    • Amanda Cus Yes, compliment! I love their games and books. Can't wait to keep reading.
      10/30/2014 8:37:50 PM
  • Steeven R. Orr commented on :
    10/7/2014 10:17:56 AM
    Well, you got me wanting to read more ... goal accomplished :)
    • Ryan Watt I feel like I need to pet a white cat and laugh maniacally every time someone says this.
      10/7/2014 1:52:41 PM
    • Steeven R. Orr You should ... you really should :)
      10/7/2014 2:13:21 PM
  • BJ Holder commented on :
    10/1/2014 9:56:54 AM
    How wonderful to find you are writing a story in the renaissance time period! Once I reached Cyril alone the story took off for me. I look forward to reading more. Also, ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt It's mostly renaissance. I sort of play loosely with the time period. I'm glad it took off for you, and hope it continues to capture you as you continue. No worries about time, trust me I know how hard it can be to catch up on things.
      10/1/2014 12:37:50 PM
  • Garth commented on :
    9/28/2014 12:06:56 AM
    I enjoyed this chapter. I read through some of the other comments as well, and I don't think it lacked emotion. I read it as a professional detailing a job. The nurse's ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks Garth! Professional is definitely accurate for how Cyril saw this evening. He will eventually get lots of emotion. I hope you continue enjoying it. Chapter 13 goes up tomorrow.
      9/28/2014 12:15:41 AM
  • k l commented on :
    9/21/2014 11:22:43 PM
    Ryan, I've finally gotten the time to do more than just scan this first chapter, and I have so say that it's brilliant. Love the writing, the descriptions especially. ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt WhileIm very glad you liked it, I am more glad you are enjoying it! Makes my day.
      9/22/2014 1:19:13 AM
  • Eivind Hillesund commented on :
    9/9/2014 4:17:30 PM
    Well, I'm intrigued - though creating an intriguing first chapter is the easiest job in writing, so I guess that doesn't say too much. Not sure if I like the writing ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Hmm, can I ask you for how you define fairy tale writing versus fantasy writing? I think I know what you mean, but I'd like to make sure I understand.
      9/9/2014 5:54:30 PM
    • Eivind Hillesund Well, in fantasy you have a lot of freedom to decide how you write it, but with fairy tales it is more set. First of all, Fairy tale writing involves certain phrases like "Once upon a time". Secondly, descriptions very black and white and rarely go into much detail. The princess might be describes as the fairest in all the land and the witch is cruel and so on. The remark about the chair being designed more for opulence than comfort is atypical for a fairy tale. Actually, when I read through it I don't see that much fairy tale writing - I guess the opening "once upon a time" kinda just set my expectations.
      9/9/2014 6:21:41 PM
    • Ryan Watt That's part of what I am going for with Flocked - to take the familiar ideas of fairy tales and move them into a more fully developed, more 'realistic' (with magic) version of themselves. I know it won't probably work for everyone, but I'm sorry to read it's not working for you.
      9/9/2014 6:29:38 PM
  • Joan Albright commented on :
    9/9/2014 5:51:40 PM
    Having trouble getting into this, though it took me a while to figure out why. I think it needs a little more emotional detail, as in what are the characters feeling. Is ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thanks for the feedback. I can see how Cyril comes across without emotion in this chapter. Mostly it's due to him being focused. This gets a little explanation later. But there are several intentional mentions of his emotional state in this chapter... his impatience at waiting and his enjoyment of running into an adventure, but I will look at other ways to add it in. Other senses like smell I've gotten better at (I have a terrible sense of smell so it's not something I usually think in terms of when I write). I hope you will keep reading, and I am sorry if this wasn't immediately engaging for you.
      9/9/2014 6:14:32 PM
  • Christina Ratcliffe commented on :
    8/19/2014 1:28:48 PM
    You painted the world really well, and I quickly became invested in Cyril. I'm excited to find out more about his 'condition' and the magical forest!
    • Ryan Watt Thanks, Christina! Glad you found your way over to Flocked, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. I recently wrote up Cyril's backstory, though it will be a few weeks before it gets posted.
      8/19/2014 1:54:53 PM
  • K. R. Kampion commented on :
    8/18/2014 4:22:08 PM
    Love love love the incorporation of the Wild Swans story with the 12 Dancing Princesses! Really fascinating world you've got going here!
    • Ryan Watt Hopefully you'll love the rest of the Guild as they are introduced, and the other jobs the guild takes throughout the story! Thank you for reading and commenting.
      8/18/2014 4:34:24 PM
    • K. R. Kampion I know I will! I'll be making my way slowly but surely through the rest of the story :)
      8/18/2014 5:47:52 PM
  • Jennifer Avalon commented on :
    8/17/2014 8:13:55 AM
    I absolutely loved the fairy tale feel of this! Locked in a tower, twelve princesses, and a journey to find out what's happening in the works? It really has all the key ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt True story, last night I walked into a party and a friend pulled out his phone and showed me the same missing t. I will be fixing it, and other errors as soon as possible. Thanks for letting me know! -- I am also glad you are enjoying it so far.
      8/17/2014 2:12:02 PM
  • M. Howalt commented on :
    8/16/2014 9:37:09 AM
    Engaging beginning! And I like the idea of the story. I'll need to catch up on the next chapters.
    • Ryan Watt Thank you for starting it. Don't worry about catching up, do it when you can. I hope you continue to enjoy it.
      8/16/2014 2:29:26 PM
  • Frances Pauli commented on :
    8/9/2014 3:59:09 AM
    This is my favorite fairy tale! I'm so excited to read more. Well done.
    • Ryan Watt Thank you! This is just the first of many fairy tale jobs the Guild will be taking. Glad the first is one you love and I hope I treat it properly.
      8/9/2014 4:49:36 AM
  • J.K. Garner commented on :
    8/6/2014 4:10:43 AM
    This is not my genre of choice, so I was worried going in, but I loved it. The mystery kept me captivated, I needed to find out how in the world someone deals with twelve ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt I definitely crafted the kingdom of Rhine from this first arc around the fact that the King had 12 daughters and could afford to house and take care of all of them.
      8/6/2014 4:58:53 AM
    • J.K. Garner That is quite a rough scenario, but you certainly have done a good job! Thanks for sharing your writing.
      8/6/2014 6:09:25 AM
  • a dabra commented on :
    8/5/2014 2:04:56 PM
    beautiful way of writing!
  • Jennifer Flath commented on :
    8/3/2014 3:58:43 AM
    I love the feel of your writing, like those old, bizarre fairy tale anthologies, but mixed with the idea of characters that actually have some depth to them. Old fairy ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt The sword is definitely the silver lining of an ugly hurricane-like cloud for Cyril. I too hope you find the other Guildees creative. I tried to give them all a unique hook. -- And I will watch for the tense shifts.
      8/3/2014 10:30:54 PM
  • S Vest commented on :
    8/1/2014 5:49:08 PM
    Interesting so far. I did notice a couple of tiny misspellings, which are easy to miss in edits. There's a lot going on with lots of characters. 12 princesses! Wow, I ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt If you do see any really obvious typos, please do let me know. I spellcheck/grammar check/proofread several times before posting, but am clearly fallible.
      8/1/2014 6:09:43 PM
    • S Vest It's so easy to miss them. I do it all the time. Same here...let me know. I need to revise a bit, but have to wait for a while due to other projects. Quick fixes are easy though.
      8/1/2014 6:14:32 PM
    • DJ Hoffman I had noticed one or two as well. Now that I know you want the feedback, I'll let you know when I see them. :)
      8/2/2014 10:42:47 PM
  • Dean Moses commented on :
    7/31/2014 5:07:30 AM
    As soon as I read the opening I had to read all the way through to see what was causing the worn shoes. And now I have to read onwards to find out who are the men behind ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt You assume I am nice enough, or smart enough, to follow through on dangling threads like that.
      7/31/2014 5:26:28 AM
    • Dean Moses I am sorry but I am not exactly sure what you mean. I just wanted to let you know I really enjoyed the premise and I will continue to read. It is almost like child's fairy tale.
      7/31/2014 8:40:31 AM
    • Ryan Watt Sorry, I was trying to be playful. I really do appreciate your comments and just that you read it at all. Please continue to let me know what you like and think.
      7/31/2014 2:03:38 PM
  • J.B. Mckay commented on :
    7/31/2014 5:21:18 AM
    The fact that he is basically a curse breaker but nevertheless has a curse is interesting... Can't wait to find out what happens, and meet the other members of the guild.
    • Ryan Watt Oh, but Cyril's curse has been broken! More to be revealed, but that's the tricky things about curses. If you break them they aren't gone, they just don't work properly anymore.
      7/31/2014 5:27:48 AM
    • J.B. Mckay Ahhh, now I get it. Now that's pretty problematic, and intriguing, too.
      7/31/2014 8:28:42 AM
  • Anne M commented on :
    7/29/2014 10:41:07 PM
    Fun and different! Just out of curiosity is 'palance' a word I haven't heard of before, or is that meant to be palace?
    • Ryan Watt Palance. n. a construct made of bronze, usually found in stories by authors whose spellcheck program, and proofreading skills apparently decided to not work the day of editing. As in, "Sally couldn't believe someone had the audacity of suggesting her sand palance was imaginary."
      7/29/2014 11:19:19 PM
  • R commented on :
    7/25/2014 2:09:01 PM
    I like the new twist to the old fairytale! Also I like how you alluded to another fairy tale into Cyril's back story. Very creative! Added to my bookshelf!
    • Ryan Watt Glad you liked it! All of the five main characters (slowly being introduced) are taken from a real world fairy tale. It's what will (they hope) make them so adept at handling these kinds of scenarios. Chapter 4 will be out on Sunday!
      7/25/2014 5:12:11 PM
    • R Interesting! I'm excited about reading the rest of your story! Keep up the good work :)
      7/26/2014 1:53:41 AM
  • Cameron Duke commented on :
    7/24/2014 11:02:16 PM
    This is really good. Your descriptions are incredibly vivid and all the details seem well thought out. It almost reminds me of Alice in Wonderland in a cool way with the ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Well keep in mind that he has the wing instead of an arm. But eventually you'll get more into his mindset about why he doesn't like his wing. - Glad you like it. Thanks for reading, and hope you continue to.
      7/24/2014 11:17:03 PM
    • Cameron Duke I plan too. Just finished chapter three. It's been very solid so far.
      7/25/2014 4:06:11 AM
  • Eric commented on :
    7/20/2014 4:01:57 AM
    What a unique story, I like it a lot because one, it's well written, I really like the descriptions, and the writing is smooth as well, and two, because it's not a story ... Show More
    • View 1 more comment(s)
    • Eric For sure! I like the fairy tale aspect, but that it's a fairy tale turned into a serious story and not as much a silly one. Having a story with things that haven't been heard of will really set your story up to be different.
      7/20/2014 4:11:39 AM
    • Eric And that's a good thing!
      7/20/2014 4:12:03 AM
    • Eric Well done getting endorsed so quickly!
      7/21/2014 3:16:54 PM
    • Ryan Watt Thank you! Now the long road to getting votes (since the count gets reset). Thanks for helping the process, Dustin. Now back to reading more Letum.
      7/21/2014 3:20:22 PM
    • Eric Haha, thank you for reading mine! You've got a few votes already!
      7/21/2014 3:49:18 PM
  • Adri Mars commented on :
    7/21/2014 6:05:33 AM
    The Twelve Dancing Princesses! I still have that fairy tale anthology book that my uncle gave me for my 11th birthday and this was one of my favorites. I love your take ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Thank you! "The Twelve Dancing Princesses" is also the name of the next chapter! The idea is to do a different fairy tale for each 'arc' as a different job. Hopefully a lot will be 'new' to readers, while occasionally one pops up someone knows and loves, like this.
      7/21/2014 3:24:57 PM
  • Carrie Ann Golden commented on :
    7/21/2014 12:05:08 AM
    I truly enjoyed reading this chapter! I'm not a big fairy tale reader, but this one really grasper my interest! It's unlike any other fairy tales I've read and that's a very good thing. :)
    • Ryan Watt This was exactly my goal, so I am glad that it hit the right spot. I just finished re-reading/tweaking Chapters 4-6 and can't wait to share them with people over the next few weeks. Thanks for helping get me one step closer to endorsed!
      7/21/2014 1:13:33 AM
  • Aden Ng gave
    2/18/2016 1:14:07 PM
    Flocked is a lot of things. But at its heart, it is a fairy tale. Keeping in that tradition, the characters are mostly colourful and yet human enough that you could put ... Show More
    • Aden Ng (Note: Review for chapter 1-60)
      2/18/2016 1:14:48 PM
    • Ryan Watt Thank you so much for the review. I am glad you were finally able to finish the first volume. It is interesting that you call Cyril the main character, as I was not trying to have a main character when I drafted this, although if/when I do a major edit of this I do plan on tweeking Cyril in it as he needs the most work. Hope you get a chance to continue on to volume 2 sometime.
      2/18/2016 4:08:53 PM
  • 11/23/2015 2:59:51 AM
    What a great start! I love the introduction and all the mystery. So many questions right at the start, and a nice twist on fairy tales to keep me interested in finding the answers.
    • Ryan Watt Welcome aboard, TCC! I definitely have a lot of fun remixing and twisting fairy tales. Hope you continue to check it out.
      11/23/2015 3:42:56 AM
  • D # gave
    7/2/2015 8:10:23 PM
    After enjoying 57 chapters of this awesome serial, I felt obliged to write a review. Took a while, I know. I am not an amateur-crastinator, as I like to say. Flocked is ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Wow, David! Thank you so much for this incredible review. It makes me very happy to think that Flocked is really working for people, especially after chapter 57. Seriously, thank you. And yes, Vol 1 will be wrapped up this month (just shy of Flocked's 1 year anniversary) and Vol 2 starts up August 2nd. As long as folks keep enjoying it, I hope to keep going for a while.
      7/2/2015 8:41:52 PM
  • 2/16/2015 8:14:38 PM
    Fairy-tales have long stood as simple parables with straightforward outcomes. Someone is the hero, someone is the villain, and a nice happy catch-phrase tells you what to ... Show More
    • Ryan Watt Excellently worded review. Thank you so much, J.A.
      2/16/2015 8:35:13 PM
  • 1/23/2015 12:34:15 AM
    Excellent beginning. Mixing core human emotions with curiosity, concern, and easy visuals. Draws you right in.
  • 9/14/2014 11:45:39 PM
    It's an effusive story that quickly gets the reader's attention! Love it so far!
    • Ryan Watt Glad to hear it! Thank you for posting a review. I try to keep things moving as the story only sticks with each job for a little while.
      9/15/2014 5:23:28 AM
  • 8/6/2014 4:10:56 AM
    I can't wait to find out more!
    • Ryan Watt My first formal Review. Wow, thank you! I hope you enjoy the other four chapters that are up now and vote for any ones you like.
      8/6/2014 4:57:35 AM
    • J.K. Garner I will :D Thanks Ryan!
      8/6/2014 6:09:50 AM